The Best

I’m probably not the smartest guy you’ve ever met. If I am, you need to meet more people. However, I do know one thing:

The 1990s were the greatest decade ever.

You want proof? Excellent. I’m a lawyer, so I like stuff like that. Here’s your proof:

“Saved by the Bell”

The Best

Honestly, that should be enough to settle any debate. However, here are a few more reasons why the 1990s were the best decade ever:

-It was cool to wear a Bugs Bunny shirt to school

The Best - 2

-The Nintendo 64. I could have sworn those graphics looked just like real life.

The Best - 4

WCW v. NWO v. WWF.  Mondays were awesome.

The Best - 3

-Epic TV shows like “Friends,” “Seinfeld,” and “The Fresh Prince.” Two of those shows are now on “Nick at Nite.” That makes me want to cry.

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-Oh, and “TRL.” I miss the days when seeing a thirty-second clip of your favorite music video was the highlight of your day. Seriously, that show was the peak of MTV and still the best thing that ever happened at 4pm.

-The 1990s graced us with songs such as “Gangsta’s Paradise,” “Getting Jiggy Wit’ It,” “Wonderwall,” “Waterfalls,” “Black or White,” “Wannabe,” everything Lauryn Hill did back then, “Baby One More Time,” “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life),” “Vogue,” “Jumper,” “Push,” “Sabotage,” “Ironic,” “One,” every Hootie and the Blowfish song, “No Diggity,” “California Love,” “Hypnotize,” “Iris,” “Don’t Speak,” “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” “1979,” “Mr. Jones,” every Boyz 2 Men song, and, of course, the greatest song in the history of the world: “Ice Ice Baby” (dum dum dum da da da dum)

-Oh, and “I Want it That Way.” That is the song of our generation even though no one knows what the lyrics mean. It’s that good.

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-In the 1990s, “TGIF” was more than just a phrase. I miss the 1990s.

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-“Beauty and the Beast,” “Aladdin,” and the “Lion King” were back-to-back-to-back Disney masterpieces. There would be a lot fewer wars, violence, and crime if we were all required to watch those movies each week.

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-The best movie in the history of the world was released in the 1990s:

The Best - 10

Nothing has ever captured my sense of wonder like “Jurassic Park.” Except for the Seven-Layer Burrito at Taco Bell.

[ Timeout: There are many more items to include, but it’s 1:00am. Thus, I’ll wrap this up soon. Time in. ]

Timeout

Finally, the 1990s were the best decade ever because we weren’t so obsessed with the internet. We were at the perfect point in the evolution of technology. An endless world of information was at our fingertips, but only at dial-up speed and if no one else at home was using the telephone. We no longer had to rely on Microsoft Encarta or World Book Encyclopedia to answer all our questions, but we couldn’t get an answer to every question within seconds. You had to work for it. Oh, you had a favorite song in 1997? Then go buy the CD for $20. Or if you were really tech savvy, you could download that bad boy on Napster or some other shady site while fighting through thousands of pop-up ads. There were no iPods or MP3 players. If you wanted to listen to a song away from home, you had a Walkman or Discman. Good luck using the latter when exercising. Today, we can download or stream a song within seconds from anywhere.

All these technological advancements are great things. However, it’s time for the old man rant. I miss the days when everything wasn’t so connected, so instant, and so constant. I miss the days when you would hang out with friends and family and you were hanging out with friends and family, not all the different people on their respective newsfeeds. I fear that we’re missing out on so many of life’s treasures because of cellphones. Magical things can happen when we’re focused on the people around us or when our minds are empty and open to the creative sparks that happen during times of mental silence. Instead, we often fill those moments by looking at a screen.

Zach Morris Phone

The Other Side of History

There are two sides to every story.  Of course, there is the story you read about in the news, history books, and Wikipedia.  However, to get to the real story, you need something else.

You need a rap video.

The History of the Supreme Court

It’s time to tell you a story.

The History of the Supreme Court

Here’s the good news:

(1)  I didn’t get fired.
(2)  I have two rookie co-workers who I persuaded to join me in this rap video.
(3)  I didn’t get fired.

Enjoy!

Some of the lyrics are pretty dope, in a dorky lawyer way, so I wanted to include them here.  Please do not cite these in a brief or research assignment. You will probably be disbarred…

In East Philadelphia, 1787,
America was born, the Constitution was written,
We won the war,
Now we were free,
Supreme Court was created in Article Three.
But a couple of guys,
Who were up to no good,
They said the power of the courts was misunderstood,
If Congress passes an unconstitutional law
What can the courts do?
Court said in Marbury to strike it down under judicial review.

The party didn’t stop,
McCulloch came next,
The states said their powers were greatest under the Constitutional text.
C.J. John Marshall, he took a long pause,
Then he ruled that the federal government is top dog under the supremacy clause.

For 100 more years the feds were feeling so good,
Then President Truman showed up in the neighborhood.
Seizing steel millz and cruising along,
Rapping bout how the President be so strong.
SCOTUS stepped in said – “Whoa, Truman, hold on,”
We got a three part test that gonna prove you wrong.

In 1954 Chief Justice E-Dub started laying down the law –
Civil rights for all the people –
Brown v. Bd. said separate is not equal
The Court didn’t stop there, civil rights couldn’t be ditched,
Loving v. Virginia – all races can get hitched

It’s a new century, Y2K, and Nov. 7, 2000 is election day,
Florida can’t get it straight and it’s a tie score,
SCOTUS said GW’s the winner in Bush v. Gore
2010 campaigns are back and SCOTUS don’t mind it,
Dropping mad cash for candidates in Citizens United.
2012 will healthcare get the constitutional axe?
John G. Roberts says “NO, we’ll just call it a tax!”

Fast-For-Ward a bit to the present day,
You be thinking “What’s the court gonna say?”
Well there’s Noel Canning v. NLRB,
Are recess appointments constitutional?  We’ll have to see.
Obamacare is back with Hobby Lobby
What can the government require of a private company?

That’s the history of the Supreme Court, as told by a lawyer rap band,
Now let’s give it up for the highest court in the land.

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. XIII) – Jay-Z

Interesting things happen when a lawyer and a historian hang together on a Saturday night.

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. XIII) - Jay-Z and Frank Sinatra

Meet Doug.

He’s a rad dude.  Doug used to be that cool guy you’d see in NYC singing in musicals and dancing and stuff.  Now, he’s a cool guy who lives in DC, shares his wealth of theatrical knowledge and experience with kids, and studies and digitizes the history of the Civil War during the day.  Oh, and he’s married to one of my BFFs.

Most importantly, we made a “rap” video together!  Enjoy!

Ordinary

Martin Luther King Jr.
Albert Einstein
Jane Addams
Mother Teresea
Teddy Roosevelt
Jackie Robinson
Susan B. Anthony
Thomas Jefferson
Anne Frank
Rosa Parks
Justin Timberlake
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Nelson Mandela
Zack Morris

Ordinary

All of these people have four things in common:

(1) They are heroes of mine.

(2) They were ordinary people.  Not superheroes.

(3) They made mistakesBig ones.

(4) They changed the world.

You can too.

Whatever is stopping you, whether it’s insecurity or wasting too much time on Facebook, don’t let it.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.