Honestly, I’m filled with so many different emotions. I’m infinitely excited, I’m stressed about getting the “IT’S TIME” phone call, I’m humbled that I can be a part of something so wonderful, I’m intimidated by the idea of being a role model for two living creatures, and I feel a fulfillment that I’ve never known before.
However, I also feel sad.
No, I’m not sad that we’re having kids (even though we gave up our Nationals season tickets this year because of the babies).
I’m sad that I didn’t live the last eight years to the fullest. Amanda and I are about to enter a very special season of our lives, but it is a season that will look nothing like the past decade. I’ve been becoming increasingly nostalgic about the “old” days when we ate cheap pasta 3-4 nights a week, spent our evenings watching bad reality television, and got home from work at 5:15pm. We wandered through an Egyptian desert, hiked through Austria, and lived in Cambodia for two months. We have a lengthy list of things we loved and appreciated about our 8+ years of childless marriage, but it’s hard not to think of the missed opportunities.
It would be nice to say I lived a life without any regrets, but that’s not true. However, I’ve learned from those mistakes. After eight years of childless marriage, here’s what I wish I had done differently:
I wish I worked less.
I wish we went out to dinner more.
I wish we spent more money. Saving is great, but saving just for the sake of saving isn’t worth it. Sorry, Dave Ramsey. #yolo
I wish I studied less in law school.
Although we went to 13 different countries, I still wish we traveled more. There are few things more important than seeing how the other 6,999,999,999 people on this world live.
I shouldn’t have wasted so much time watching TV. Especially “Heroes.” That show was terrible after the first season.
I wish we went on more walks.
I wish we never spent a single second trying to blame each other for our marriage problems.
I wish we prayed together more.
I wish I spent less time looking at my phone.
I wish we didn’t walk ten miles through shady parts of Los Angeles to save $20 on a cab.
I wish we did more DC touristy stuff.
Although I didn’t drink a ton of alcohol, I still wish I drank less.
I wish we adopted a second dog. (No offense, Napoleon.)
I wish we bought a grill. Both the cooking kind and the sweet rapper mouthpiece.
I wish I cared less about what people think and cared more about what God thinks.
I wish I never made Amanda stay at a $5 hostel in Bangkok that had poop on the wall.
Well, that’s the list. I’m sure there are more things to add, but my metro ride is coming to an end. I won’t sit around and wallow about those regrets, but the missed opportunities do make me feel a bit sad. However, reflecting on such things encourages me to do better during this next stage of life. And I’ll make sure we splurge on the $10 room next time we go to Thailand.