Poppin’ the Question

Our world is faced with so many challenging questions. I thought I should lend a hand and start answering them.

Which is the best boy band of all time?

Don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

Poppin' the Question

First, what’s the criteria of being a boy band? Good question. Unfortunately, Webster’s dictionary doesn’t define the term. Urban Dictionary does, but its definition is pretty offensive.

So here’s the rules:

(1)  If you play instruments, you’re not a boy band. Thus, the Beatles, BBMak, Jackson 5, and Hanson were not boy bands. They all had too much talent.

(2)  If you don’t do synchronized dance moves, you’re not a boy band. Thus, LFO was not a true boy band, despite the fact that “Summer Girls” was one of the finest works of art of the 20th Century.

(3)  If you are too cool to be labelled as a “boy band,” you are not a boy band. Thus, the Temptations are not a boy band.

So those are the rules. Now it’s time for both of you to find out which boys bands are the greatest of all time:

Here. We. Go.

5.  One Direction: This boy band has been tearing up the charts for the past three years and their poppy beats and spirited vocals . . . OMG, I can’t do this. One Direction is automatically disqualified for having a song named “Best Song Ever.” When I hear kids talk about how One Direction is the greatest boy band ever, honestly, I get defensive. “Are you serious? Have you ever heard of Justin Timberlake? Nick Carter? Nick Lachey?” And then I feel ashamed for arguing with an 11-year-old about boy bands.

Okay, here’s the real list:

5. O-Town:  O-Town represents the high point in the boy band craze, which was probably also the low point in American history. I know two O-Town songs. One is pretty bad. The other is “All or Nothing.” It is probably the greatest song ever recorded (no offense to Britney or Beethoven).

Popping the Question - 1

4.  New Kids on the Block: These guys started the boy band craze. Sure, there were boy bands before NKOTB, but those boy bands didn’t have TV shows, action figures, or a song as righteous as “Hangin’ Tough.” I went to the infamous NKOTBSB concert a few years ago. It was amazing. And sad. Joey McIntyre cried. So did my soul.

photo

3.  Boyz II Men:  These dudes were so cool with their white suits, soulful voices, and matching overalls. Honestly, I feel kind of bad about labeling them as a “boy band,” but if the matching and synchronized tapping shoe fits, you gotta roll with it. However, these boys/men were not your typical boy band. They were edgy. They spelled “boys” with a Z. Ballerz.

2.  *NSYNC:  I’m a big *NSYNC fan. How can you tell? I put the little star in front of the name. I’m that legit. *NSYNC had so many hits. So many epic videos. So many sweet dance moves. Yet, they find themselves in second place. Why? Because *NSYNC was really just JT and JC and three random dudes who kept showing up in the background. That’s not a band. That’s an American treasure, some other guy who is probably wondering what went wrong after 2001, and three random guys.

Popping the Question - 2

1.  The Backsteet Boys:  I loved high school and pretty much everything about the late 1990s and early 2000s. Life was great. TRL was on TV every day, getting on the internet was a really big deal, 9/11 hadn’t happened yet, and gas was ninety cents a gallon. If there is one song that defined my high school experience, the turn of the millennium, and the boy band and cheesy pop music era, it was “I Want it That Way.” Sure, the lyrics don’t make any sense, but it doesn’t even matter when everything else about this song is fantastic. If you don’t sing along when you hear this song, or at least hum a little, you are probably a terrorist or a Nickelback fan.

Poppin the Question - 3

Bye.

10 thoughts on “Poppin’ the Question

  1. Pingback: Wonders | Ice Ice Andrew

  2. Pingback: Goodbye | Ice Ice Andrew

  3. Hmm…I can’t say I agree. Yes, *NSYNC was primarily JC and Justin out front (even though Chris Kirkpatrick did help write some of the bigger songs – Gone being one of them)…however, they should be above Backstreet because they outsold Backstreet in record and concert sales. The No Strings Attached album debuted atop the U.S. Billboard 200 with first-week sales of 2.4 million copies, setting the record for one-week sales in the country. And they still hold the record today. And NKOTB should be #1 above all…not just because they started the whole “boy band” craze…but because they are still going strong over 25 years later. 🙂 And how could you leave out New Edition? Or Menudo? Wait…am I showing my age?? lol I never really saw Boyz II Men as a “boy band” as they didn’t really dance a lot. And I have to admit…I watched the whole Making the Band..the auditions and all. I still love Ashley Parker Angel. :/ And Lance Bass…I love Lance. But alas…Joey McIntyre will always be my #1. LOL They are all great in concert (well…I don’t know about O-Town…never saw them)…and NKOTB has definitely gotten better with age. MOST DEFINITELY.

      • I have to say, reading this entry made me really smile for the first time in over a week…which is probably why my response was so……enthusiastic. heehee. And then when I got in the car to go home I turned on the iPod and listened to NKOTB’s “10” the whole way home. 😀

  4. Pingback: The Best | Ice Ice Andrew

Holler

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s