Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. V) – Miley Cyrus

If you think I’m loud, obnoxious, and annoying, it’s not my fault.  Blame Lamar.

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. 5) - Miley Cyrus

Before I met Lamar at Tallwood High School in 1998 (How was that 15 years ago?!?), I was a quiet dude who just wanted to watch “Beverly Hills 90210” all day (just like all the other fifteen year old guys).  For better or for worse, Lamar encouraged me to get involved at school, to always be a little weird, and to come out of my shell.

Awkward White Guy Raps (Vol. 5) - Miley Cyrus

Thanks, Lamar.

We were out of touch for nearly a decade, but Backstreet’s back and we just made a “rap” video.  There was no planning and no practice, so please don’t hate.

And stop hatin’ on Miley!

Here are all the earlier white boy jams:

Biggie

Dr. Dre and Snoop

Eminem

Taylor Swift

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. IV) – Taylor Swift

There are a few things in life that make me really proud:

(1)  I married a pretty cool lady;

(2)  I make awesome chili; and

(3)  I met Britney Spears.

Most importantly, me and some fellas from Capital City Church turned a TAYLOR SWIFT SONG INTO A RAP JAM!

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. IV) - Taylor Swift

I hope you like it!  Many thanks to Ron, Phil, and Evan for making my crazy dream come true.  If you think this video will help make someone’s day a little brighter, please share it.  We’re just trying to bring a few extra smiles to this wonderful world.

Enjoy!

Here are the previous editions of “Awkward White Guy Raps”:

Biggie’s “Hypnotize”

Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg’s “Still D.R.E.”

Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” 

Beat Dat Addiction

We made it to the weekend.  Good job, world.  That is always worth celebrating.  I have something else to celebrate:

Victory

Baby news?  Nope.  Check back in 2-3 years.

Lost some weight?  Sadly, I’m moving in the wrong direction on that one.

New job?  Naw, dawg.  I like being able to wear purple pants to work.

More importantly, I have won my battle with Coke (to avoid confusion, please note the capitalized “C”).  It was a tough and lengthy battle, but like Britney Spears at the 2005 Grammy Awards, I won.

Britney GIF

I took the Virginia bar exam in July 2009.  It was a grueling summer and just like watching any recent Nicholas Cage movie, it is not an experience I want to repeat.  I studied 12+ hours a day.  The only way I stayed awake during prep classes so boring that they made soccer look exciting was by drinking Coke Zero.  Sadly, not one or two cans, but five.

(Just kidding, soccer fans.  Sorta.)

Four years later and I was still drinking five cans of that black and fake sugary goodness each day.  I’m not a nutritionist and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but I do know that’s not good for you.  So I finally decided to “quit” and today marks my one-month anniversary of semi-freedom from Coke Zero.  How are you going to celebrate?

If you feel as though you are in the inescapable grip of an addiction, you’re not.  Just like Michael Jackson, you’re gonna “Beat It.”  Here’s how:

1.  Don’t be dumb.  Set a realist goal.  If I tried to quit Coke Zero completely, I’d fail.  Be smart, set reasonable expectations, and then go from there.  Baby steps.

2.  Find a good substitute.  If you’re trying to rid your life of something, you’ve got to replace it with something else.  For me, it was sparkling water (and rap videos).  Sure, water with bubbles is not nearly as good as Coke, but it’s a lot healthier and does the trick.

3.  Accountability.  Addictions can crush us and we can’t fight them alone.  Get someone who can support you.  Amanda, of newfound rapping fame, was key.  She stopped buying Coke Zero.  That helped.

Good luck and TGIF!

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. III) – Eminem

If I had quit on my marriage, I would have missed out on a lot of priceless experiences.  Most importantly, I wouldn’t have made a “rap” video with my wife:

Awkward White Guy Rap - Lose Yourself - Eminem

As you’ll see in the below video, Amanda’s “flow” is pretty amazing “interesting.”  Straight outta North Dakota. Yo.

Enjoy!  Please don’t hate.  We’re a teacher and a lawyer.  We’re not rappers.  (Duh.)

The first “Awkward White Guy Rap Video” (Biggie’s “Hypnotize”) can be found here and my first feature musical film can be found here (Dr. Dre’s and Snoop Dogg’s “Still D.R.E.”).  Stay tuned for the release of another crazy “rap” jam on Monday.

Marriage Sucks. Sometimes.

I’m thankful for a lot of things.   I’m thankful that *NSYNC is reuniting for a hot second this weekend.  I’m thankful that Lady Gaga is finally back after her mystery hiatus.  I’m thankful for my new pair of red pants.

Most importantly, I’m thankful that I didn’t walk away from my marriage.

I thought about it.  More than once.

Don’t be fooled by Hollywood.  Every married person has one thing in common:

We have all struggled with our marriage.  All of us.

Marriage Sucks.  Sometimes

It may be a brief moment after your husband pressures you into going mud swimming in Colombia or it may be something you wrestle with for years.  When you go through a rough patch, take heart, Young Jedi.  You’re not the first married dude or dudette who wondered if life would be better if you were single and could eat cereal for dinner every day and play X-Box all night.

Although I’m kind of an idiot, here’s the five most important things I’ve learned after nearly eight years of marriage:

1.  Never admit that you’re wrong.

1.  Cling to the reasons you got married.  You may try to rewrite history and tell yourself that you were never in love to justify walking out.  That’s a lot easier than fighting for your marriage.  The easy way won’t get you far.  Remember the good times.

2.  Get away from your spouse.  Seriously, you need some alone time.  You need time with your boys/ladies.  I love Oreos, but I don’t want to eat them every meal.  Okay, maybe that’s not true.  However, if I ate Oreos all day and every day, I wouldn’t appreciate them as much.

3.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Most of your fights will be about dumb stuff.  When that happens, call it out and laugh at yourselves for getting upset about who finished off the pack of Thin Mints.  Sure, there will be fights about very serious and important topics.  Just don’t let the dumb stuff kill you.

4.  The Big Bond.  There has to be something greater that ties you together.  This could be faith or a charitable cause.  If that’s not your thing, then maybe it could be a passion for politics, movies, or rap music.

5.  Get out of the house.  Life should be an adventure.  You need to travel together.  You need to go on bike rides.  You need to go out on dates.  If you’re in a funk and you’re just hanging out at home all the time, you’ll never break the cycle.

So there you have it.  Not all marriages can be saved, but at least give it your best shot before walking away.

I’m glad I did.

Even Divas Love Church

Despite my love for shoes and my passion for fashion, I’m actually not the biggest diva in our house.

Meet Napoleon.

Even Divas Love Church

He’s a seven-pound beast.  However, like Cubs fans in October, he is never satisfied.  No amount of treats is ever sufficient and laying on the floor without pillows is inconceivable.  He’s a diva.  In fact, he hates everything that doesn’t involve him eating, sleeping, or humping.

Almost.

This little diva dude loves church.  Specifically, Capital City Church in Washington, D.C.

There’s hope for everyone.  Even rappers.

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. II) – Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg

Thank you, Steve Jobs, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Dogg.  You all made this possible:

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. II) - Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg

Me and my boy Phil, a bad dude from L.A. and a small business owner in DC, met a few years ago at a Capital City Church flag football game.  Like all good friends do, we eventually made a rap video.  Unfortunately, both of us are white, have no lyrical skills, and have never used any video editing software.  However, we love rap music.  And Chihuahuas.
Awkward White Guy Rap - Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg

I really hope you like our “rap” video.  Even if you don’t, hopefully it will make you thankful that you’re not us.  If you do like it, please share it with any friends, co-workers, family members, or random strangers on the Metro who may need a smile on a Monday morning.  Enjoy!

If you missed the first edition of “Awkward White Guy Raps,” you can peep it here.